Is This Happening to Me – or For Me?

Ross Berry
May 23
11 min read

When Events Bring Initial Disappointment…

Karen and Jay share thoughts on the importance of developing the ability to see the opportunity for growth and success when disappointment arrives – as inevitably it does from time to time

When life throws unexpected challenges our way, it's natural to feel overwhelmed, discouraged, or even victimized. We may ask, “Why is this happening to me?” and slip into the mindset that life is unfair. This emotional reaction is human—but it can also be limiting. Viewing circumstances as personal misfortunes tends to trap us in a cycle of resentment and helplessness. The pain feels sharper, the future feels dimmer, and we begin to lose faith in our ability to move forward. However, there is a powerful alternative: choosing to see these events through a lens of growth and purpose rather than suffering and punishment.

Adopting a positive perspective doesn't mean ignoring hardship or pretending everything is fine when it's not. It means acknowledging the pain but also choosing to believe that there is a reason, a lesson, or even a hidden gift within the experience. Instead of seeing a setback as an end, it becomes a redirection—a setup for something greater. This subtle yet profound shift in thinking can transform moments of despair into turning points. Suddenly, we are not just enduring life’s trials; we are evolving because of them.

This attitude shift can be life changing because it fundamentally alters how we interact with the world and ourselves. When we stop seeing ourselves as victims and start seeing ourselves as active participants in our growth, we reclaim our power. Even in the midst of uncertainty, we begin to trust that what is happening for us—not to us—will ultimately lead us to something better. With this mindset, we become more resilient, more hopeful, and more open to unexpected possibilities. Doors we thought had closed may have only closed to lead us down a more meaningful path.

Moreover, this positivity creates a ripple effect. When we embrace our challenges with courage and optimism, we inspire those around us to do the same. Our relationships improve, our creativity expands, and our emotional well-being strengthens. What once felt like a breakdown may in fact be the very breakthrough we needed. The same experience that once seemed like a cruel twist of fate becomes a catalyst for a richer, deeper life.

In essence, the decision to see life’s hardships as opportunities rather than burdens is one of the most empowering choices we can make. It allows us to shift from feeling like victims to becoming architects of our own growth. While we may not control what happens to us, we do control how we respond—and that choice can open the door to wisdom, purpose, and even joy. This single change in attitude doesn’t just improve life; it can transform it.

Turning Pain Into Purpose: Fighting Back From Addiction

Addiction can feel like a prison with no door, a constant cycle of regret and relapse. Yet for some, the lowest moments of dependency and despair become the exact spark needed for transformation. These individuals, rather than being defined by what happened to them, choose to redefine their story through what happened for them. In doing so, they demonstrate that even the darkest paths can lead to powerful awakenings.

Chris Herren, a former NBA player, is a striking example of this journey. Once hailed as a basketball prodigy, Herren’s career was nearly destroyed by drug addiction. His fall was public, painful, and nearly fatal. But after reaching his rock bottom, he began a path to recovery that changed his life entirely. Today, Herren is a passionate motivational speaker who shares his story across the country, helping others see that recovery is possible and that rock bottom can be a foundation for new beginnings.

Robert Downey Jr., another public figure, endured years of substance abuse that sidelined his acting career and landed him in jail. At one point, his reputation was so damaged that few believed he would ever make a comeback. But with persistence, support, and a deep commitment to change, Downey transformed his life—and eventually his career—becoming one of Hollywood’s most successful and beloved actors. He often reflects on how his past struggles were necessary to become the person he is today.

Former NFL quarterback Ryan Leaf is another powerful example. Once a top draft pick, Leaf’s career and personal life unraveled after injuries and an ensuing addiction to painkillers. His descent included arrests and prison time. Yet it was during those darkest times that Leaf began to rebuild. Today, he is a respected speaker and advocate for mental health and recovery, openly sharing his story to help others avoid similar mistakes and find their way back to hope.

Perhaps one of the most extreme transformations belongs to David Goggins. Though not traditionally labeled as an addict, Goggins battled food addiction, low self-esteem, and a sedentary, depressed lifestyle. He turned his life around through radical physical and mental discipline, eventually becoming a Navy SEAL, ultramarathon runner, and author known for his toughness and motivation. Goggins’ story, like the others, is a testament to the power of hitting rock bottom—and using it not as an end, but as a beginning.

These stories remind us that the human spirit, when ignited with purpose, can overcome nearly anything. Addiction may take people to the edge, but with courage and commitment, it can also be the beginning of something extraordinary. The pain of the past doesn't have to be a weight—sometimes, it's the very pressure that shapes a diamond.

The Long Game: Political Comebacks and the Power of Persistence

In politics, as in life, defeat is inevitable. But for some, it’s not the end—it’s the turning point. From dusty town halls in rural New Hampshire to the storied halls of Westminster and Washington, the history of political comebacks is rich with lessons in resilience, reinvention, and resolve.

These are not stories of easy wins. They are stories of individuals who embraced adversity, recalibrated, and returned—not just to compete, but to lead.

Abraham Lincoln: Failure as Foundation

Before he became the 16th President of the United States, Abraham Lincoln lost more races than he won. He faced personal tragedy and public rejection, including a failed bid for the U.S. Senate. But each setback refined his resolve and sharpened his moral clarity. By the time he reached the presidency, Lincoln had the depth and empathy needed to navigate the nation’s darkest hour. His legacy—preserving the Union and ending slavery—was built on the back of rejection. His comeback was not flashy; it was forged through years of perseverance.

Winston Churchill: The Wilderness Years

Winston Churchill’s exile from power after World War I was long and lonely. After the disastrous Gallipoli campaign, many in British politics believed his career was over. Yet Churchill never stopped warning about the dangers rising in Nazi Germany. For years, he was mocked, ignored, even scorned. But when World War II arrived, Britain turned to the man who had endured ridicule and remained steadfast. His comeback was not just a return to politics—it was a rise to legend, built on courage, foresight, and an unbreakable spirit.

Kelly Ayotte: Reinvention in the Granite State

Kelly Ayotte’s path back to political prominence is one of quiet grit. A former U.S. Senator from New Hampshire, she lost her 2016 reelection bid by a narrow margin. But she didn’t disappear—she listened, learned, and remained present in her community. In 2024, she reemerged, running for Governor of New Hampshire with renewed energy and purpose. Drawing from her experience in national security and bipartisan work in the Senate, Ayotte’s comeback speaks to the value of resilience and timing. It also reflects a truth about politics in New Hampshire: voters reward authenticity. Already almost 6 months into the job of leading the Granite State, Governor Kelly Ayotte is executing her responsibilities with excitement, energy, determination, and commitment.

Margaret Drye: Rural Resolve and Local Leadership

In Sullivan County, New Hampshire, Margaret Drye represents a different kind of political persistence. A thoughtful, community-focused leader, she stepped into public service with conviction rather than ambition. Despite being from a region that often leans toward the other party, Drye built trust through presence and pragmatism. She’s not interested in headlines—she’s interested in results. Her rise is a quiet triumph for rural voices, local values, and the enduring strength of those who listen before they lead.

Steve Goldsmith: From Defeat to National Influence

Steve Goldsmith didn’t win the race for Governor of Indiana, but he didn’t need a title to make a difference. A former mayor of Indianapolis, Goldsmith became a national thought leader in public sector innovation. He went on to serve as Deputy Mayor of New York City under Michael Bloomberg and has advised Presidents and thousands of government officials on domestic policy, innovation, and government efficiency. Now a professor at the Harvard Kennedy School, Goldsmith’s story is a reminder that political office is just one avenue of impact. Sometimes, a loss opens the door to even greater influence.

Comebacks as a Way Forward

Political comebacks aren’t just about returning—they’re about returning stronger, wiser, and more connected to purpose. From Lincoln’s battlefield of ideas to Churchill’s war of words, to modern leaders like Ayotte, Drye, and Goldsmith, each story teaches us something profound: greatness is often born from adversity.

In today’s cynical climate, where a single misstep can define a career, these leaders remind us that it’s the long game that matters. Persistence over popularity. Character over convenience.

Comebacks aren’t just possible—they’re necessary. Because in politics, as in life, the story’s not over until you stop writing it.

From Ashes to Opportunity: Cities That Rebuilt Stronger

When disaster strikes, it can feel like the world is unraveling. Yet, history shows that some of America's greatest cities have faced immense challenges—not as endpoints, but as turning points. These communities didn't just rebuild; they reimagined themselves, turning tragedy into triumph.

Boston, Massachusetts – The Great Fire of 1872

In November 1872, a massive fire engulfed Boston's commercial district, destroying 776 buildings over 65 acres. Despite the devastation, Bostonians saw an opportunity. The city implemented stricter building codes and modernized its infrastructure, laying the groundwork for a more resilient urban landscape.

Chicago, Illinois – The Great Fire of 1871

A year prior, Chicago faced its own inferno. The Great Chicago Fire consumed over 17,000 structures, leaving 100,000 homeless. Rather than succumb to despair, Chicagoans embarked on the "Great Rebuilding," embracing innovative architectural designs and fireproof materials, transforming the city into a hub of modern urban planning.

San Francisco, California – The 1906 Earthquake and Fire

In 1906, a devastating earthquake and subsequent fires destroyed much of San Francisco, killing thousands. The city's response was swift and ambitious. By 1915, San Francisco not only rebuilt but also hosted the Panama-Pacific International Exposition, showcasing its resurgence to the world.

Galveston, Texas – The Hurricane of 1900

The 1900 hurricane remains the deadliest natural disaster in U.S. history, claiming over 6,000 lives in Galveston. In its aftermath, the city undertook monumental engineering feats: constructing a seawall and elevating the entire city by up to 17 feet to protect against future storms.

Indianapolis, Indiana – The W.T. Grant Fire of 1973

In 1973, a fire ravaged downtown Indianapolis, causing $15 million in damages and affecting numerous businesses. The city used this setback as a catalyst for revitalization, leading to significant urban development and a renewed commitment to public safety.

These stories remind us that adversity can be a powerful catalyst for growth. When faced with the question, "Is this happening to me or for me?" these cities chose the latter, transforming major challenges into opportunities for renewal and progress.

Mr. Irrelevant – Overcoming What Seem Like Impossible Odds

There’s something universally compelling about an underdog story, especially the kind that flips the script entirely. In the world of professional sports, few narratives embody that more powerfully than the journey of players labeled “Mr. Irrelevant” or those who barely cracked recruiting boards. These are athletes who were overlooked and counted out. Yet, they chose to believe life was happening for them, not to them.

Take Brock Purdy, for example. As the final pick in the 2022 NFL Draft, Purdy entered the league with the weighty nickname of “Mr. Irrelevant.” It’s a tongue-in-cheek title, but one that has historically signaled a short stint in the NFL at best. Instead, Purdy stepped in for an injured quarterback and didn’t just manage—he excelled. He led the San Francisco 49ers deep into the playoffs and proved himself under the highest pressure. Fast forward to today, and Purdy is no longer irrelevant. He recently signed a massive contract extension, becoming the highest-paid Mr. Irrelevant in history—a walking testament to perseverance and potential.

That same grit lives in players like Isaiah Thomas. Drafted dead last in the 2011 NBA Draft, the 5’9” point guard out of Washington was told he was too small, too late, too unlikely. But Thomas went on to become an All-Star, leading the Boston Celtics in scoring and earning MVP chants in TD Garden. His relentless energy on the court and resilience off it turned doubters into believers.

Or look at those who didn’t even get that final pick recognition. Tom Brady—the 199th pick in the 2000 NFL Draft—was passed over by every team multiple times. The scouting reports were harsh: slow, unathletic, not NFL-ready. Twenty years and seven Super Bowl rings later, Brady’s career reads like a case study in outworking expectations. Julian Edelman was a college quarterback who became a Super Bowl MVP wide receiver. Josh Allen, a zero-star recruit, was barely noticed out of high school. He sent his own tapes to colleges and eventually carved out a path to become one of the most dynamic quarterbacks in the NFL today.

These stories share a common thread: rejection and resolve. These athletes were faced with circumstances they didn’t choose. The draft pick they wanted didn’t come. The praise wasn’t there. The opportunity was limited. But instead of resigning to the role the world handed them, they redefined it.

In a world that often feels dictated by circumstances, it’s tempting to ask: “Why is this happening to me?” But these athletes flipped that question around. They asked, “What can this moment teach me? How can I grow from this?” They turned slights into fuel, setbacks into training grounds.

That mindset doesn’t just belong in locker rooms, it belongs in everyday life. Whether you’re launching a business from your hometown, recovering from a tough break, or navigating your next chapter in life, you have the choice to frame your experience as a barrier or a launchpad.

So wherever you are, and whatever round you think you’re in, take the shot. Someone’s got to be the next surprise story. Why not you?

Positive Profile of the Week: Turning Setbacks Into Stepping Stones: The Chris Gardner Story

This week we are delighted to highlight the amazing story of Chris Gardner as our Profile of the Week.

When Chris Gardner found himself homeless on the streets of San Francisco with his young son, few would have blamed him for giving up. Sleeping in subway bathrooms, lining up at soup kitchens, and shouldering the immense weight of single fatherhood, he had every reason to feel like the world was happening to him.

But Gardner chose a different mindset. He chose to believe that life was happening for him.

That powerful shift in perspective didn’t make the nights any warmer or the hunger disappear—but it gave him the one thing no one could take: his determination. While facing unimaginable odds, Gardner secured an unpaid internship at a prestigious brokerage firm, all while caring for his son and keeping his circumstances a secret. Where others might have seen only walls, Gardner saw the outline of a door—and he decided he was going to knock until it opened.

His story, immortalized in the film The Pursuit of Happyness, is not just about grit—it’s about grace. About taking life’s cruelest challenges and turning them into catalysts. He didn’t just survive adversity; he alchemized it. Gardner transformed lemons into lemonade with fierce love, an unshakable vision, and the courage to believe that this—even this—is happening for me.

Today, Chris Gardner is a bestselling author, entrepreneur, and philanthropist. But more than that, he’s a living reminder that our greatest comebacks often begin at rock bottom. His life invites us all to reframe our challenges not as curses, but as callings.

So the next time you hit a speed bump, ask yourself—what if this isn’t a detour, but a direction? What if this is exactly what I needed to become who I was meant to be?

Because sometimes, the worst day of your life is actually the first day of your destiny.